Wow. I look back and I haven't written anything in about 4 years. Back in 2013 I left my almost full time position in a warehouse to go back to school. The way it was looking I wasn't going to progress as much as I wanted to had I remained in that position and the only way to fix the problem was to go to school.
So I undertook to go back to school and encountered numerous difficulties. In order to cope with them I started cutting again. Not exactly a great coping mechanism, but you probably already knew that. I didn't stop until last year when my cutting nearly cost me my life. Had I not called a friend to take me to the hospital, I wouldn't be here writing this. I had 8 internal stiches and I forget how many external. I have pics if you want to see, but you probably don't want that.
In the two years I went to school so far I kept vacillating between full time and part time student status. Because of that I'm in a situation where I only have 8 credits in that entire time and my financial aid got pulled because of lack of satisfactory progress toward degree completion. I have been attending counseling and got together with the disability support services at the school for some accommodations but basically I went about that too late.
I suppose I can petition to have my financial aid status restored and I will eventually do that but for now I have to pay the school $572.00 that I owe them and I didn't apply for financial aid for next year so when I go, I will have to pay for it on my own which probably means I won't go until spring and then it will be a couple of classes. I took a chance and went from my reasonably stable but under hours part time job to work for a small business while I was in school.
The person I worked for did not fulfill any of his commitments to me then showed me a side of himself I really could have done without. I had to threaten him with two different government agencies before he finally coughed up the money he owed me a month after the fact. Because I put my faith in that dubious individual I now stand unemployed. So far the job search isn't going well at all but I do occasionally get interviews. It's hard not to be discouraged.
I am thinking again about my long term goals. This year I will be 45. I can't give up on school and I've been giving serious consideration to the path that I was taking in school. I have decided to alter my original plan of getting an associates in nursing then getting licensed and continuing to go to school until I had a master's degree, to possibly seeking a degree in psychology through the master's level or perhaps even going to medical school and getting a combined degree (M.D., P.h.D).
I've not nailed down precisely where I want to end up but the general idea is laid out and I have plenty of time to walk the path and firm up exactly what I would like to pursue. If I do decide to be a doctor or a medical scientist, I wonder if I will experience age discrimination, or if perhaps I will gain respect for my accomplishments as long as I meet the standards like everyone else. One thing is for sure. I'm going to be an old man when I get done.
But what else would I be doing, really? Still feels like it's worth the effort and time well spent.
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